I will die if light touches me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
