I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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