She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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