Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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