If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
