I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
