whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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