hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
