No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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