she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
