"it" just moved
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
