worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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