chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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