yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
