do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my shit smells like andre
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
