lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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