The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
kristin has been a bad kristin
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I FOUND THE LEGS
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
