oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
