I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
