She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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