You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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