this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
