We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
