good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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