Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
