this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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