sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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