I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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