just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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