I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
