So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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