i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
