he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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