Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
BRING THE BAGELS
Randomize
