Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think I won the penis lottery.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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