my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
