I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
