I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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