@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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