I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
