I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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