hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
