Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
