Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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