I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
