There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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