Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
