$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
