hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
