I got chris browned last night
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
